Pressure to Eat

Take ALL the pressure out of feeding. Let them eat on their terms.

What is pressure to eat?

Pressure to eat is when parents interfere with children’s eating after food is served by trying to get them to eat more or to get them to eat certain foods on their plate. Pressure can be very subtle, maybe just a gentle prompt, you might not even know you are doing it.

Our PICNIC parents say not pressuring their children to eat was the feeding practice they most needed to change. Some parents found it really hard to stop pressuring initially, especially if their children were a bit older and they had been doing it for a while. They were really glad when they stopped the pressure.

Pressure to eat leads to battles at the table, teaches children to overeat and they’ll be less likely to eat the pressured food later in life. 

Why do we pressure our children to eat?

We want our children to eat well. Our health, wellbeing and even survival depends on it. This has driven parents to be ‘hardwired’ to feed children as much and as often possible. It’s not too long ago (two generations) the food supply was very different and there wasn’t the availability of food that we have today.

 

Pressure to eat is the result of historic worry when food wasn’t as freely available as it is now. You may find the feeding advice provided by our families who lived through those times is more about making sure they get food in, finishing their meal, everything on their plate, which is likely to include pressuring children to eat. 

We can pressure children to eat because we want them to be healthy. When children don’t eat more challenging foods like meat and vegetables or eat small amounts, we can feel they aren’t eating well, or they aren’t eating enough. This can add stress as to parents. Parents report child feeding as one of the most stressful parts of parenting.

Their eating will be up and down and unpredictable, but children will get the amounts and types of food they need, if they are given regular access to meals. You may look at your children eating at one meal, or even one day, and make a judgement on that. This will look very different if we can step back and look at eating over a longer period. It will be likely to even out over time.

Pressure to eat can look like…

Pressure can be something you say (when they start understanding you more) or something you physically do. It can even be just your body language or facial expressions.  Pressure to eat comes in many forms, begging, instructions, bargaining, bribing or physically putting food into a child’s mouth. It can even be celebrating or congratulating children on eating something.

A child shouldn’t feel like you are either happy or sad when they’ve eaten or not. Our children are likely to feel this as pressure. They’ll be eating for you and forgetting about how they are feeling.

Here are some examples of pressure to eat… 

These are all examples of trying to control our children eating. The role of eating is our toddler’s job only.

What happens when we pressure children to eat?

Mealtime Battles 
You are pressuring them to do something they don’t want to do. It’s going to stress everyone out and likely to result in a food ‘tug of war’. Can you imagine if someone was trying to control your eating?

When pressure is taken out at mealtimes, it will be a happier and more relaxed environment. Once children get stressed out, they can lose their appetite and won’t feel as safe to try new foods.

New foods can be a bit scary for children, they need to feel safe and comfortable before they will eat them. If there is a battle and everyone’s upset, you might need to abandon the meal and try again next time without pressure.

Children learn to dislike pressured food.
If we pressure children to eat certain food, they can associate eating that food with stress and can be less likely to eat it long term. This is when we need to weigh up the cost of a couple of mouthfuls in the short term against our child not liking the food through life.

If you pressure, you’ll get a bit more eaten now, but long term they’ll learn to dislike the pressured foods and eat less as they grow older. Play the long game. Leave the pressure out.

Learning to eat more than they need.
We’re born knowing how much food we need to eat, the right amount for us to grow and develop in the way we were meant to. When we pressure children to eat, they are likely to be eating because of the pressure and not because of how they are feeling. This makes them lose the ability to know when they are full. They will become used to eating without hunger which can lead to lead to lifelong battles with food, dieting and weight management.

Things that can help you take the pressure out

• Don’t compare your child’s eating with any other children. We are all on our own journey.
• Don’t worry about a day or a meal. If you think about their eating over a much longer period, you’ll find it evens out more. 
• Rejecting new and more challenging foods that is normal at this age, they are just getting to know foods slowly and making sure they are safe.
• Our children know how much to eat… much more than us… they’ve got their tummy to tell them!
• The Guide to Healthy Eating is only a guide to help you choose foods to serve up. If you keep doing this over time, they will get what they need.
• When you’ve taken the pressure out sit back and notice how much you are enjoying mealtimes. 
• Remember we are learning and no one is perfect. If you’ve been using pressure at meals don’t be too hard on yourself.
• Think of it as less work. You do less and its better for your children. You can’t argue with that!

 

When to get extra help

There are some children and parents who may require extra support from health professionals. If you’re concerned with your child’s eating and are worried something else is going on, resulting in children not eating, particularly if your child is not gaining weight or is losing weight, go to the feeding problems webpage, or seek some help from a health professional.

 

References